ONE-ACT COMEDIES
BEGGAR YOUR NEIGHBOUR
‘a highly entertaining plot’ (Amateur Stage)
Mrs Freebody has copied every detail of Mrs Lightfoot’s living room - or has she? Then Mrs Lightfoot reports the disappearance of her husband and twelve children. Mrs Freebody is responsible - or is she? Constables Boulter and Cadbury investigate, and are about to make an arrest for kidnapping, body snatching and mass murder when the truth is revealed.
4f - Mrs Lightfoot, Constable Boulter, Mrs Freebody, Constable Cadbury
A BIRD IN THE BUSH
"...can only be described as hilarious..." (Amateur Stage)
One hot summer night and Bernard's stomach ache and his hatred of a cooing pigeon combine to keep his whole family awake. When he determines to track the pigeon to its lair, his daughter's fiance and the next door neighbour become entangled in his growing fixation. Eventually the police are called and Bernard has to face the consequences - and the wrath of his long-suffering wife.
2m 3f - Bernard, Marjorie, Kate, Jessica, Malcolm
CHAIRS
Marion, an enthusiastic young lecturer, is determined to foster better communication among the college staff. She enlists the help of her colleague Kath to re-arrange the chairs in the staff-room, hoping it will encourage the staff to talk to each other. Meanwhile, long-serving lecturer Mrs Douglas and newly-appointed Tessa become involved in a feud about where each should sit. Moving the chairs has unforeseen consequences. Feelings are hurt and tempers rise, Kath gives up her job, and Mrs Douglas has a break-down. For some people, insignificant things can have an importance which others don’t always appreciate.
A light comedy for an all-female cast - or for six women and a token man.
7f or 6f 1m - Annie, Dorothy, Marion, Kath, Tessa, Mrs Douglas, The Principal
FLUSHED
"...a fun choice for the Festival circuit from one of Scotland's most prolific playwrights... (SCDA Scene)
"...if you've ever been on a girls' night out, you'll relate to this one... (What's The Show)
It’s a singles night, and Jan and Meg are taking a break in the Ladies Room. Jan is criticising Tara, unaware that Tara is hiding in one of the toilet cubicles. When Tara’s presence is revealed a fight ensues and Jan confesses the reason for her jealousy. Then Meg discovers that the door to the room seems to be locked, and the succeeding series of mishaps and misfortunes ruins Jan’s appearance and assurance. Tara eventually manages to open the door, but on the threshold of escape they find that Meg is trapped in one of the cubicles.
3f - Jan, Meg, Tara
Multiple festival award-winner
("Flushed" was formerly published by Silvermoon Publishing - now dissolved)
FLUSHED AGAIN
The sequel to "Flushed." It's Jan's wedding reception and Jan. Meg and Tara are taking a break in the Ladies Room. Feelings run high when Jan accuses Tara of having ruined her hen-night party. Then Meg discovers that the door to the room is jammed, sparking off a series of mishaps and misfortunes. Leaks appear in the ceiling, lights fuse, and pipes burst before help can arrive.
3f - Jan, Meg, Tara
MURDER AT THE CATHEDRAL
‘highly entertaining’ (Amateur Stage)
‘crackles along ... very enjoyable’ (Waddington Dramatic Society)
Henry King is furious that his Cathedral Amateur Dramatic Society (CADS) haven’t won anything at any drama festival since the defection of leading actor Tom Becket to the rival Priest’s Players three years ago. Sally Knight and Toby Barron decide to do something about it, and Tom Becket disappears. Did Knight and Barron murder the Priest to please King?
3m 3f : Henry, Eleanor, Polly, Sally, Toby, Tom
(Formerly published by New Theatre Publications, which is now closed down.)
PIG TALE
Shortlisted in the Youth section of the Drama Association of Wales One Act playwriting competition 2008. "By far the funniest play in the competition. The only play that made me laugh out loud, not once but several times. Ron Nicol has a wonderful and quirky sense of humour." ( Angharad Elen, D.A.W.)
"The audience and the adjudicator loved the play and the reception we got from the audience was fantastic ... I would say the best audience reaction out of the whole festival. We are chuffed to bits!" (Peninver Players)
"hilarious" (Kintyre Forum)
An updated re-telling of the tale of the Big Bad Wolf and the Three Little Pigs. Mummy Pig throws the Three Little Pigs out into the big wide world to seek their fortunes. They have to cope with the demands of relating to others, gathering materials, building houses, and keeping the Wolf from the door. The Narrator also has problems to deal with in the shape of an insufferable Prompter and a wily and wilful Sheep.
Narrator, Prompter, First, Second and Third Little Pigs, Mummy Pig, Sheep, Big Bad Wolf, Man or Woman With Straw, Man or Woman With Sticks,
Man or Woman With Bricks, Police Officer - some doubling and trebling possible.
Multiple festival award-winner.
SCOUNDRELS AND STRATAGEMS
"a combination of superb comedy and fast action melodrama" (Menorca Charity Players)
Lady Pinchbeck wants to acquire Charity's inheritance. Squire Buzzard wants to win the hand of Prudence, but she loves Gerald, so Buzzard is plotting to discredit his rival. Lamprey has schemes of her own. Sergeant Quickly and Constable Muggins investigate. Suspicion falls on Gerald. After a great deal of confusion and a lot of hilarity, Prudence takes a hand and everything is resolved.
4m 5f - Lady Pinchbeck, Lamprey, Buzzard, Prudence, Gerald, Quickly, Gosling, Charity, Muggins
Festival award-winner
THICKER THAN WATER
‘enjoyable, with a touch of dark humour’ (Scene)
Mrs Prince makes her son a vampire cloak for his birthday. Harold is captivated, and bites a girl at his birthday party. He decides on a career as a vampire, and his reign as the self-styled Prince of Darkness begins. As Harold grows older, he and his mother encounter horrified parents and a succession of angry teachers, until his fumbling attempts at seduction lead to the deaths of a number of women. Combined with his new career, this eventually results in Harold’s downfall and his inevitable destruction in the traditional vampire manner – a stake through the heart.
2m 7f 9m/f - Harold, Mrs Prince, Reporter, Sally’s Mum, Irate Man, Irate Woman, Head Teacher, Second Head Teacher, Third Head Teacher, Barbara, Drama Teacher, Drama Teacher 2, Penelope, Valerie, Maureen, Pathologist, DI Gillespie, DS Barnes. With multiple casting and a bit of ingenuity, it’s possible for the eighteen speaking characters to be played by a company of six, although any number of performers may be used.
THREE'S A CROWD
Tim brings Tanya to a pub to propose to her, but Tania is more interested in texting her best friend Tilly. Barmaid Tamara decides to take a hand and things come to a head. Tilly arrives, Tim takes a stand, Tanya storms out - and Tamara takes charge.
3f 1m - Tamara, Tania, Tim, Tilly
(Previously published by Silvermoon Publishing as "No Problem")
TOO MANY BRIDES FOR DRACULA
Loosely based on Bram Stoker's "Dracula". Jonathan visits Transylvania to meet Count Dracula. When he returns to his fiancee Mina he's a changed man. When Dracula also arrives in England, Mina's friend Lucy mysteriously becomes ill. Doctor van Helsing is sent for. The Doctor suspects Dracula of being the cause of Lucy's illness and determines to track the evil Count to his lair. After much confusion - and a great deal of hilarity - Dracula is defeated.
3m 7f 1m/f - Jonathan, Young Woman/Second Bride, Count Dracula, Mina, Lucy, First Bride, Second Bride, Third Bride, Mrs Swales, Arthur, Mrs Westenra, Doctor van Helsing. Mrs Swales and Mrs Westenra can be doubled. Doctor van Helsing can be male or female.
(Previously published by Silvermoon Publishing as "Love Bites")
TWO BODIES AND A BOTTLE OF SAUCE
A murder mystery rehearsal is about to start, but cleaner Molly finds make-believe corpse Anastasia and calls the police. When Inspector Whelping arrives, Bertram and Cassiopeia try to bluff things out instead of revealing the true state of affairs. Truth and invention become blurred by misdirection and misunderstanding, complicated by the intervention of aspiring actress Esmeralda. The body disappears, is replaced by another, and then re-appears, while a bottle of tomato sauce seems to be a crucial piece of evidence. Whelping eventually leaves, but Bertram has a real murder in mind.
3m 4f - Cassiopeia, Bertram, Anastasia, Molly, Whelping, Shortley, Esmeralda
NEARLY ALL AT SEA
"...it's hard to explain the plot, as quite frankly, it's far too silly to have one. The Nearly plays have the same line of humour as Monty Python and Spike Milligan" (Ealing Times)
Sir Henry Nearly and hapless Mortimer Leeveme set sail on a voyage of discovery with Cap’n Codfish and Barnacle the Mate. Unluckily for them, the fabulous island they discover is simply the Isle of Wight, now inhabited by the vindictive Henrietta and irksome Aurora.
3m 3f 2m/f - Narrator, Henry, Mortimer, Henrietta, Aurora, Codfish, Barnacle, Voice Off
NEARLY PULLS IT OFF
Intrepid adventurer Sir Henry Nearly and his incompetent associate Mortimer Leeveme set out with bungling Cap’n Codfish and feisty Barnacle the Mate on a quest to find the Lost Temple of Howjahdoodah. Followed by Henry’s indomitable wife Henrietta, Mortimer’s sweetly silly wife Aurora and a Tiger who thinks it’s a rug, they manage to find the Lost Temple – or do they?
3m 3f 3m/f - Narrator, Henry, Mortimer, Henrietta, Aurora, Tiger, Cap'n Codfish, Barnacle, Voice Off
NEARLY UP A GUM TREE
Heroic explorer Sir Henry Nearly and his gallant follower Mortimer Leeveme explore a desolate wilderness which bears a striking resemblance to the shrubbery at the bottom of Henry’s garden. With Henry’s authoritarian wife Henrietta, Mortimer’s innocently trusting wife Aurora, Queenie the cook and Tweenie the maid hot on their trail, they make an exciting discovery.
3m 3f 3m/f - Narrator, Henry, Mortimer, Henrietta, Aurora, Kitty, Queenie, Tweenie, Voice Off
NEARLY UP THE POLE
"...a cross between Victorian Melodrama, Monty Python and the Goon Show" (Bucks Free Press)
"Nearly Up The Pole" nearly brought down the house" (Les Rigolettes, Newfoundland)
Intrepid adventurer Henry Nearly and his sidekick Mortimer Leeveme set out on a expedition to find the Pole – any Pole. Led by expedition expediter Jules Goudeau (aka as Jessie Boggs) and hampered by husky Rowff, they merely encounter Henry’s indomitable wife Henrietta and his irritating daughter Aurora.
2m 3f 3m/f - Narrator, Henry, Mortimer, Henrietta, Aurora, Goudeau, Rowff, Voice Off
WEE AGGIE AND BIG MAGGIE
Penniless Aggie lives by her wits, making money with a series of crafty ploys involving an amorous wife, her jealous husband and an ardent sexton, two market traders, a violent Innkeeper, an old Doctor and an ancient Cowherd. Envious Maggie tries to copy Aggie’s get-rich-quick schemes but fails miserably. The competition between the two bitter adversaries escalates until Maggie finally determines to dispose of her rival.
2m 3f 5m/f - Aggie (Agatha), Maggie (Magnolia), Euphemia, the Sexton, the Farmer, the Tanner, the Shoemaker, the Innkeeper,
the Doctor, the Cowherd. With doubling, trebling and quadrupling the ten characters can be played by a cast of five plus a dummy.
WOLF TALE
'sure to appeal to all ages' (Amateur Stage)
'we had a great time, and the audience loved it!' (Highnam Young Players, Gloucester)
3m 4f 2m/f - Mrs Hood, Red Hood, Fairy, Wolf, Big Bad, Granny Hood, Sheep, Wee Sheep, Robin Hood
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